For now, as I have struggled with getting through these health challenges, He just put one word in my spirit. GRACE. I searched the bible for the word and found 145 verses, but I knew instantly which one He meant. 2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Since He's been speaking to me so much through The Message lately, I had to compare this there. It lumps verses 7-10 together and it tells me everything I need to know. I'm in awe of His grace.
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
I could have written those words directly from my own heart. That is except the "glad to let it happen" part. I'm working through that. But I have always known that this infirmity has kept me closer to God. It is a gift. Hopefully He won't always feel I need it and it will lift from me one day. I'm at the place now where I surrender fully to what He wants from me. No more excuses. No more 1001 reasons why I'm not good enough. Just obedience. That's all I have to give.
So there it is. My place of raw brokenness. I'm as weak as I can be right now. So Lord, take over and make this what You want it to be. My words are yours. Express yourself through my fingers on this keyboard. I don't want any glory. I don't need accolades or pats on the back. In fact if I'm doing this right, I already know I'll face opposition. But I don't care. I've been well prepared for that. I see that now.
I know these writings are about to change. I've been too careful. Too reserved. You're asking a hard thing of this private introvert. To open my heart (the real one) and share. The good, the bad and the ugly. That's not easy, and I can't promise I won't resist, but I'll do my best.
After all, Your grace is sufficient and I embrace it with all my might.
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