Through It All

Today as I reflected on the night I had last night, I felt a much greater peace once I was able to really dig down and be honest with myself and with God about what I was feeling. After I finished my post last night about how angry I was feeling, I shut down my computer, went to my room and had it out. I pulled out every emotion I was feeling no matter how silly it seemed to me to even confess, and once I started, I was on quite a roll!


Why do we kid ourselves thinking God doesn't know it if we don't say it? There is great freedom in being really real with God about what we're struggling with. That is the only way He can help us, is if we open the tightly held chamber of our heart and let all the ugly come out. It's like a splinter that gets lodged inside and it goes so deep the skin grows over it, but you feel it. You know it is in there, even if it's too small to see. The longer it stays in there, the more it festers until infection sets in.

The amazing thing about our incredibly designed bodies is that even though the infection hurts, it is actually for our own good. It is the means of driving out the offending object. It may puff up, get feverish, pretty much pitch a fit until that thing is removed. And once it is out, then the healing begins miraculously quickly. Yes, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Evolution cannot touch what the Creator has done with such precision and genius to the tiniest level.

As our physical body is our example, the same applies to our spiritual life. Anger is a terrible splinter that may have gotten in innocently enough, but it wasn't removed, so therefore it causes great irritation until it gets so uncomfortable, the only way to gain relief is to cut it out. Spiritual surgery is what's needed sometimes, and that's what God and I did last night.

We talked it all out. He's such a great listener! He doesn't even tell you that you have no reason to cry. Instead He pulls out His bottle and takes each tear with great tenderness. (He's got quite a collection from me!) He doesn't condemn, He just says, "Daughter, I've been waiting on you."

Today, my outlook is much better. I have made it through a challenge that has lasted over five years. Quite a lot has happened in that time that has hurt. But I've also become a better person through it too. I have struggled with such insecurities most of my life, never believing in myself. Never trusting that I could handle hard tasks. But God has shown me through this event that where I lack, He can fill in the gap and get me through. He can strengthen me and provide supernatural wisdom and knowledge as the task requires. He has proven that to me. He has proven to me that I really can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could. He has made me stronger by pushing me to my limits until I could really learn to believe in myself. I've always hated that saying "no pain, no gain" but I have to admit, it really is true.

In a couple of days I will deliver my closing words in the matter and it will be officially out of my hands for a decision to be made. I am not worried. I have given everything I have to do this right -- with excellence, integrity and honor. The rest is up to Him. And I am at total peace about that. After all His hands fashioned me with great care and love.

An old, old song came to mind as I thought about all this and it took me back to when I would hear this song as a child. We have to grow up in life and be mature and responsible. But there is a place inside of us that holds on to that child we once were. Jesus said we need child-like faith to see His Kingdom. Children do not doubt until they're taught to doubt by adults. Let's believe like children once again!

THROUGH IT ALL

I've had many tears and sorrows
I've had questions for tomorrow
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong
But in every situation
God gave blessed consolation
That my trials only come to make me strong

I've been a lot of places
And I've seen so many faces
But there've been times I've felt so all alone
But in that lonely hour
In that precious, lonely hour
Jesus let me know I was His own

So I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through
Cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn't know that He could solve them
I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do

Chorus:
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word
Yes, I've learned to depend upon His Word