Missing the Ones You Love

This journey of life is full of bumps and twists and turns. We spend so much of the time just trying to figure out what the next right step is for us to take. Many hard things cross our paths and we have no choice but to face them as they come.

Tonight as I was getting ready to go to bed, I picked up a little book my mom had given me several years ago and she had written in the front "To Michele with lots of love, Mom & Dad."

This coming Monday marks 24 years since my dad has been gone. He succumbed to cancer when I was 17. But anything Mom gives me is always signed this way. I love that she does that. It's a welcome reminder that I will see him again someday. I am confident that he is in heaven and I intend to be there too.


There's nothing easy about losing those we love so much. It hurts deeply. That bad report from the doctor. The unexpected illness. The accident. The broken relationship. Life has a way of blindsiding you and leaving you stunned. Tragedies abound in this world and sometimes all you want to do is curl up in a corner and cry, hoping the bad would just go away.

I miss my dad, still after all these years. We were very close and I didn't get to go through the normal life cycles with him. Graduation, marriage, children, heartbreaks, him seeing his hereditary early gray hair now in full force on my head! We didn't get to share any of those things, and that makes me sad. Yet, I'm not distraught. I've had to learn to do life without him here. It hasn't always been easy, and there have been times I've wanted my daddy to take care of things for me. But I have been able to find peace in spite of the loss.

I'm really thankful that in the short years we had together he instilled some deep convictions in me that I have carried with me throughout my lifetime. He modeled for me kindness and compassion. He always did the very best at every job he was hired to do. He stressed the importance of integrity and honoring commitments. And he showed me what it was to have a heart for people. I don't think I'll ever be as good at the people part as he was - he was clearly an extrovert while I am much more introverted - but he gave me a good mark to point to.  He was a wonderful dad and an incredible soul. The world simply doesn't know what they're missing out on!

I love this quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; He doesn't fill it, but on the contrary, He keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain. The dearer and richer our memories, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy. The beauties of the past are borne, not as a thorn in the flesh, but as a precious gift in themselves.

It doesn't matter how many years pass, the pain certainly lessens, but the void is never filled. I think God allows that to keep us heaven-bound. The promise of seeing them again someday. That is the very thing that re-awakened my journey back to God after years of putting Him aside to do life my way.

Whenever we face the death of someone, it forces us to evaluate our own lives and recognize our own mortality. It causes us to take a serious look at the condition of our soul. For some, it is the catalyst for change and they begin to pursue their eternal destiny. For others, it is a momentary pondering that is forgotten after a few days when they get back to living normal life. I hope it is not the latter for you, if you find yourself in this place.

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18, The Message)