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Sunday, August 8, 2010

Filling the Void

This weekend I watched a television show about hoarding. You may have seen one of these shows or maybe you personally know someone that can clearly be described as a hoarder. As I watched this show, which followed two different households, I was drawn to the faces of the people involved. Not only the emptiness and sadness of the hoarder, but also the heartbreak and helplessness of the family members and friends who desperately wanted to help but felt paralyzed to do so.

Hoarding is a serious problem as evidenced by the fact that there are at least two different shows running on TV that there seems to be no lack of material for them to fill their episodes. For every instance that makes it onto a TV show, imagine the countless numbers of anonymous homes that are never exposed.


One thing I've noticed from seeing a few of these shows is that hoarders are not always dirty people living in squalor. Some definitely are and they are the most drastic cases. But interestingly, there are many others who are seemingly normal, everyday people that don't look on the surface to have an issue. They have careers, friends, social lives, look put together, but yet their home is in utter chaos. Some are just obsessive collectors, or - get this - perfectionists that cannot seem to let go of "useful, perfectly good, might need that someday" items. Some hoard anything and everything, including garbage. Some are overly sentimental over random things that serve no purpose. Others are meticulous about what they collect and keep like things grouped very neatly. It's still all hoarding, and it's still unhealthy.


According to International OCD Foundation (http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/causes.aspx):
Hoarding is a complex disorder that is believed to be associated with 4 underlying characteristics. First there are certain core vulnerabilities including emotional dysregulation in the form of depression or anxiety along with family histories of hoarding and generally high levels of perfectionism. Second, people who hoard appear to have difficulties processing information. In particular, these difficulties appear as problems in attention (including ADHD-like symptoms), memory, categorization, and decision-making. The areas of the brain that control these functions roughly correspond to the brain regions that have been shown to activate differently in people who hoard. Third, people who hoard form intense emotional attachments to a wider variety of objects than do people who don’t hoard. These attachments take the form of attaching human-like qualities to inanimate objects, feeling grief at the prospect of getting rid of objects, and deriving a sense of safety from being surrounded by possessions. Fourth, people who hoard often hold beliefs about the necessity of not wasting objects or losing opportunities that are represented by objects. Additional beliefs about the necessity of saving things to facilitate memory and appreciation of the aesthetic beauty of objects contribute to the problem.


As I watched these stories unfold, I kept asking myself, "How could they let it get this bad?" I'm thinking, doesn't there come a point where they realize that they just can't fit one more thing on that countertop or table or floor? Yet, the hoarders don't seem to connect with that. They seem blind to the mountains as if the surroundings have become their normal.


Below are two short clips from the episode I watched. My heart broke for this family and I found myself teary-eyed as I watched the pain of the husband and sons as they described what it was like to live with this massive amount of "stuff" all around them, and what it was doing to their relationships.








The one thing I saw throughout this episode was the fact that this woman could not recognize how much control her belongings had on her. Every time she would start to face her stuff, she would immediately get defensive and say "I'm not doing this right now." For each small item she was challenged to part with, she reacted as if her most precious possession was about to be ripped from her. Yet, she seemed to not really get that she was on the verge of losing her family. She had an unrealistic attachment to everything in the piles. She would get frustrated and upset, and leave the house for "retail therapy" and come home with -- you guessed it -- more useless stuff!


Now, I am in no way belittling the person who hoards. In fact, my heart truly goes out to them because I see a very real mental war going on inside them and I desperately want them to know they can be delivered from that affliction. The real bottom line and root issue is that there is a void inside of them that they are attempting to fill that just can't be satisfied with things. That new purchase thrill only last for a brief moment, and then very soon that item is lost among a sea of old stuff that no longer carries that thrill. So the cycle repeats. Over, and over, and over again.


Remember, our mind is the battlefield, so for those battling this situation, it is clear that the thinking is askew. Organizing professionals and professional counseling is certainly in order for many of these people. But greater than that, they need the touch of Jesus to love them right where they are in their mess. Just like He takes each and every one of us in our own unique "messes" that we create when we live without Him. They need their minds renewed by the Word of God.


When I see these images of hoarders, I imagine that we must look like that to God when we are trying to do life without room for Him. We are cluttered with so many things. They may not be physical objects, but rather obsessions of other kinds or just cramming too much into our lives so that it crowds out our relationship with God. He's trying to have a relationship with us, but we keep ourselves buried alive inside our emotions, our issues, our regrets, our distractions.


When we finally surrender all we have and are to Him, it is amazing how He comes and starts clearing out the clutter of our lives. We view material things differently. They no longer have the hold on us because we want to be good stewards for Him. We view our relationships differently, because we are grateful for those He's put in our lives. We view our character as something to guard carefully because we represent Him. He changes us from the inside out, and once the inside is healed, the outward manifests the fruit of those changes. It's beautiful to be able to witness a life being transformed by the saving grace of Jesus. Nothing else compares.


My prayer for anyone dealing with this problem is that they will find the root cause of their void filling. Whatever it is they are needing, Jesus is ready, arms wide open to meet it greater than they can even imagine.

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